Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
