my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
