Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am naked and annoyed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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