My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
