Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize