GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bring me that man meat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
