I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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