whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize