Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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