I am puke
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
