this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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