i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
