Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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