so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
