i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
