His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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