He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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