So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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