For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
