he shaved USA in his pubs
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
