Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
