So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize