We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
