dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize