I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
