meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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