So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just pynch a tree in the face
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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