I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just forgot I was standing up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize