all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
