First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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