ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
