she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
