Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
