Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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