the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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