I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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