I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
