Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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