SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
