How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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