I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
