Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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