shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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