I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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