My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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