I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Can I color on your dick again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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