why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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