just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
