i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
