your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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