why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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