I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
