All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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