My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
