No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
