When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
