On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
