a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
