Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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