Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
