This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
