the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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