Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
