I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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