you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
