OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
