i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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