he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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