and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
